If you spend any time on web forums, you’ve probably read stories about a certain type of person (I think there’s a special haircut involved?) demanding a manager. Of course, the most viral of these stories involve some sort of comeuppance. Like finding out that they were actually speaking to the manager. Or that the person they spoke to was literally the only person in the organization who could help, even though they technically weren’t a “manager.”
What does this have to do with law and bar study? Well, I work for the Law School Toolbox and Bar Exam Toolbox. Among other things, we offer law school tutoring and bar exam tutoring. I do a lot of the tutor assignments, and every so often I get an email from a student asking to switch tutors because the tutor isn’t offering a certain type of support. Unless the requested support is unreasonable (for example, a breach of the honor code), my first step is always to check in with the tutor and find out why they aren’t offering that support. Nearly always, the answer is “I didn’t know the student wanted that.”
To be very very clear, I am not saying the student should have suffered in silence. NO! Your law study and bar study should work for you, and if it isn’t working, you should find a way to adjust. If you’re working with a tutor, that also means adjusting the tutoring sessions. But how?
Step 1: Figure out what you want
What’s working and what’s not about the tutor’s approach? Sometimes this is as simple as a student wanting a fixed weekly tutoring session, and the tutor defaulted to an ad hoc scheduling process. Or maybe the tutor is advocating for a practice-focused approach (something I support), when the student wanted to focus on reviewing specific rules. So, make two lists. First, what do you like about what the tutor is doing? This is for your own benefit, so try to get in a good mindset and find something that you like. Second, what don’t you like about the tutor’s approach?
Once you have your “dislike” list, try to reframe it into a list of “wants” instead. This is one of those times when parenting advice also works for adults. Telling my children to stop screaming like banshees next to my desk rarely works as well as asking them to take their banshee voices to the basement, or use a quieter voice near me (yes, I use time, place, and manner restrictions with my kids).
Step 2: Turn your wants into a request
This gets tricky for a lot of people. There’s anxiety in telling someone that you don’t like how they’re doing their job. But if you chose a reputable tutor/tutoring company, they should be open to feedback on how their approach is working. Depending on the scope of the change and your personality, you may choose to do this during a tutoring session. But especially for major requests, I would suggest an email. That way you can think through exactly what you want to say, edit it, and then give your tutor the opportunity to consider their response.
Start with one of those “likes” you wrote down in the list. For example: “I really appreciate the work we’ve done together, and your written feedback has been excellent.” Or even “I enjoy our conversations.” Then shift to your request(s). “I think I need some more direct support with figuring out how to actually learn the law. Is that something you can help me with?” This framing will allow your tutor to understand more about what you are looking for from the tutoring relationship. They’ll probably appreciate the chance to be more effective!
Step 3: Wait for your tutor’s response and proceed accordingly
If you’ve asked for something that they can’t offer, they may loop in their supervisor and/or tell you their reason for declining. If it’s an honor code violation, or if they genuinely think it will be counterproductive, a professional tutor is going to explain that directly. If you think their answer was unprofessional or unresponsive (or if they don’t answer at all after a few days), that’s when you should go over their head and see if someone else in the company can assist.
Law school and bar study are super stressful. A tutor can help with that! But no matter how experienced they are, tutors can’t read minds. They are going to offer you the support they think will be effective, and probably won’t shift gears unless you tell them directly (but kindly!) that you need something different. Going straight over their heads might be satisfying in the moment, but isn’t likely to get you the support you need.
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